Thoughts?

Okay what's your thoughts.

Elle came home from school today and was visibly upset.  When I asked her how her day was she said "Good if that means nobody will play with you." {yes please insert my heart breaking right here}

Me: "Why won't anyone play with you?"
Elle: "Because I am being bullied."
Me: "What? What is going on?"
Elle: "I am being bullied with their mouths."
{sob}
Elle: "A.J keeps saying I talk like a baby and that I'm short. He say's I am weird. And he said 'whoever your mom is really messed you up!' "
{Insert little 8 year old princess weeping here}
Then she says to me
"I sometimes feel I wasn't meant to be on this earth."

Back when I grew up one would say "oh that boy teases you because he likes you."
Even if this is the case Elle doesn't see it this way.

What do I do?  She hasn't told the teacher.  Should I write the teacher a note?  Should I go visit with the teacher, should I put Elle in Karate?  Or am I overreacting?

My little photographer

Elle loves the Reflection program at school and last year she entered a poem and won best in school.  This year she wanted to enter the photography contest.

So we got the form and saw the contest theme which was "Magic of the Moment".
She remembered a photo I did of her last year and she wanted to take that same concept.
She came up with the idea all by herself.
She wanted her photograph her sister reading a book and having magic coming out of it.  So she called it "Magic of a Story"

I set up my camera for her on automatic and told her how she would need to take the photograph.  I told her that she needed to make sure that her sister was in focus but the background wasn't.
I then gave her my camera and left my studio.

She took about 100 images and she picked this one.  Although it isn't super in focus I think it tells the story she wanted.  And let's face it...she's 8.

Her photo one the overall in school for the photography division.  I am so proud of her.

Forget Me Not

As I have contemplated the effects of this recent General Election and I've been scared...rather terrified I have had the calm feeling that my Heavenly Father has not forgotten me.

He knows how much I am worried.  He knows how much I worry for my family and how much I worry about our country.  However he has not forgotten us.   He knows and loves us.  He wants the best for us.  But we are to endure the trials that he places before us.

I try to live my life by the 13th Article of Faith

The part that I think is most profound here for this time is "We have endured Many things and hope to be able to endure all things..."
It is important for us to keep the commandments of God and endure the tests he gives us.

I also think about the the talk that Dieter F. Uchdorf gave when he spoke about the little forget me not flowers.

"As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.

Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten.

And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you!

You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!"

I know if I remember these things it will allow me to more fully live the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  That I might be an example of his greatness and that I will be prepared for when he reigns on the earth. 

I encourage all of you who are struggling to accept what we have been dealt as a nation to remember that you are not forgotten and that if you endure and keep an eye single to the Glory of God that all will be okay. 

XOXO

God Bless America

Well as I it here in this beautiful back country town of Banner Elk in North Carolina in this beautiful bed and breakfast (where I might add I have the most fabulous room to myself) I am hanging out by myself thinking about our country.

Well the election has happened and it didn't go the way I voted :(
Nope Mitt Romney was not elected president.
I am beyond sad.
I cried.
I facetimed Dave and sobbed to him.

I worry about our freedoms, I worry about our lively hood, I worry about our country.

This made me put some things into perspective.
One it makes me have a stronger desire to do what I know is right.
I need to make sure I am doing everything I can to return to my Heavenly Father with my family.
That means I need to do my part.  I need to be better.
As I cried to Dave I told him of all the things we need to do better at.  We made stronger promises tonight to be better about our family priorities and our spiritual priorities.

And I am now putting my faith in God's hands.  He has the control now.
I have to have faith that he will guide us through.
I have to have faith that we will be okay.

I have to prepare myself and my family for the reign of my Savior Jesus Christ.
He is the ultimate ruler.  And he will reign and we need to be prepared.
He has not forgotten us and if we don't forget him then we will be prepared to meet him.

I pray for our country...and I ask you to pray for it too.

Still Lonely in North Carolina

So I made it to where I was headed and I'm not going to lie....I am still so lonely.  I haven't met any of the women yet.  I've been alone since yesterday and that bites.

I miss my littles, my hubby, my parents and my sisters.

This is why I could never live away from people.  Because I need people.  I drove nearly 3 hours to get to the location of the workshop and parts of the drive I felt like I was in the back woods of North Carolina.
I have to giggle at their 'mountains'.....I like to call them tall hills with trees.  We have mountains in Utah.  I am grateful for my mountains.

Well today is November 6th...obviously and it is election day.
I voted last week because Utah has early voting.
I voted for Mitt Romney and I don't care that I share it.
I am praying he wins the election because as a small business owner I am not sure we can have another 4 years of mister socialist Obama.  Yes I think he is a socialist.
I work so hard for what I have.  I don't relish in the thought that I have to work hard for me to support those who don't.
I am all for helping the needy but I don't want to support the lazy.

Okay moving on....
I am really hungry right now.
Kinda famished.
I need food.

Next..what if I hate this workshop?  That would suck :(
I hope I don't.

Okay that's all....I am now typing nonsense so I will sign off.
Till later.

Lonely in North Carolina

I few into Charlotte North Carolina today to spend the week shooting.
Tomorrow I will meet up with a group of women.
As for now I am alone in a swanky hotel in Charlotte.

Let me just say this, traveling alone is not fun.  I am lonely.
I miss my girls.  I miss my husband.  I miss my mom.  I miss my little sister.
I know right?! It's so silly that I haven't even been away from them for 24 horus and I already miss them.  I think part of this reason is because I am alone and that's not fun.

So here I am sitting in my hotel waiting for some room service to arrive because I am starving.  I haven't eaten today because I didn't want to buy anything on the airplane, because let's face it...I didn't want to pay for a over priced nasty sandwich and then my layover in Atlanta was not long.  By the time I got my rental car and got to my hotel I was starving.  But being alone I didn't really want to go out by myself.  SOOOO I decided to order in.

Tomorrow I will leave Charlotte and go to some little place north of here where I will meet up with other photographers for a workshop.

I'm praying I have a good time because right now this isn't very fun.

Okay that's all.

Surgery

It's official people...I am having surgery on November 29th.  I will not be working for the entire month of December.  (Okay well I'll do some editing and some online stuff..but no shooting)
I'm taking the month of December (the only month of the year I have) to recover.
I'm really anxious about the surgery but it will do so much for me and I believe my quality of life will be so much better.
Maybe if I'm brave enough I'll post pictures when all is said and done of the outcome.

Homemade Hot Chocolate

I'm tooting my own horn here. 

I just created out of my own little brain the best hot chocolate in the entire world. 

It was sweet and decadent and lovely and tasty and oh my pretty to look at. 

Soooo what did I do?

Well first off let me just say we have a dairy cow. 

We get 3 gallons of milk a day.  We have to do something with all this milk and cream we get.  So I put it to use tonight.

I used about 3 cups whole milk

1/2 cup heavy sweet cream (this stuff from our ever so generous cow is sweet...way sweet)

6 ounces of white bakers chocolate

1 tsp vanilla. 

IN a sauce pan I melted the white chocolate with about half the milk. 

I whisked it so it didn't burn. 

Then I added the remaining milk once it was melted. 

Then went in that luscious sweet cream (any heavy whipping cream will work) and vanilla.

I didn't ever bring it to a boil, but just until it was nice and steamy.  STEAMY....that's a great adjective.

 In the meantime I took some of that amazing cream and whipped it till it was stiff in a fluffy sort of way.  I did add a little sugar to the cream and a little vanilla. 

Next I found a pretty little white cup and filled it full of this awesome hot cocoa. 

Then I added a few dabs of that fluffy stuff and drizzled a little bit of carmel on top. 

It was amazing. 

No it wasn't amazing.  

It was extraordinarily spectacular!

Crew Cuts

I love J. Crew!
I love Crew Cuts! {J. Crew Kids for those who don't know}
So I went and bought Elle and Ava a few cute little outfits today...and I had to snap a few pictures.

My Vote

Ever since I was a student senator in college I have been really interested in politics.
I find my self leaning Republican in my views.  Which honestly is no surprise.  I am very conservative and I have a lot of traditional values.  So let's face it, I am a registered republican.
This election has been very interesting to me.  And although I am a republican I do want to hear what the other side has to offer in all races.  But I've heard enough now.
I am ready to vote!
The more I hear the more it solidifies who I will vote for.  I am not on the fence with any of my views this go round as I was during the last major election.
This go round I know who has my vote.

Why am I voting the way I am voting?
It's all about economy to me.
I don't care right now about international policy or women's rights this time around.  I care about our country.  I want to know that my children will have what I had.

I personally don't feel that our current president has done the job he was hired to do.
I am a business person and if I had an employee who didn't do the job hired to do I would have to let them go.  End of story.  At the start of his term he said if he didn't have the economy turning around by 3 years then he deserved to only be a one term president.  The way I see it we are worse off right now than we were 4 years ago.  SO my vote will go to the other guy.
See what he said here. 

If I could do it over again...

If I could do life over again I would stay at the age of 3 forever.
I am extremely serious about this.
I look at my 3 year old and think... "you have the best life ever"

Examples:

Nothing is expected of you other than to color, pick up your toys and be cute.

You don't have to go to school yet

It's perfectly okay if you pee your pants on occasion. Hey accidents happen!

Being tickled is fun.

You can throw a fit when you don't want to share something and it's expected because it's your age.

Your clothes are picked out for you most of the time and your hair done for you.  What I wouldn't give for my own wardrobe and hair stylist.

You can play with barbies all day long if you would like.

You don't have to worry about what you are going to make for dinner.  You have your own chef! SWEET!

Hugs and Kisses is an acceptable payment.

You don't need a job.

You don't need to pay bills.

You don't need to worry about getting a speeding ticket.

You don't have homework.

Dandelions are not weeds, they are flowers.

Santa Claus is the coolest ever.

Your mom and dad hang the moon.

Life is great!

I would go back and be a 3 year old forever!!!

My Favorite Scent

I am addicted to perfume.  It's no lie.  I buy at least two bottles a month.  I love everything that smells good.

I want my house to smell good, my car, my kids, my hubby and me!

I think the reason for this is because I have so many memories tied to scents.  And let's just face it, I like to smell pretty.

Lately I have been in love with Jo Malone London.  The line is amazing and brings the hallelujah chorus singing!

Okay so what is it?
Jo Malone has a line of fragrances and each fragrance is more simple.
For example:
Vanilla, Grapefruit, Orange Blossom, English Pear...the list goes on.
Anyway you can create your own custom fragrance by how you combine and spray on your fragrance.  For example I have bought the all four of these (and several others) but I can spray on the vanilla first, and then the Orange Blossom and it will smell different then if I put on the Orange, then Vanilla.  It's amazing!  I get compliments all the time on my perfume.
It's fun to have your own scent!

If you're a scent lover like me and love to smell pretty find yourself some Jo Malone!

3rd Grader

I can't believe I have a third grader.  And at that we are already in the school year a few months.

Elle has her own personal style and was so determined on the first day of school to look the way she envisioned in her mind.
She told me she needed to look cool.  She picked her outfit and necklace and told me that she 'HAD' to wear her hair crimped.

She loves her teacher and has made many new friends.
Although one girl during the second week of school cut of a lock of Elle's hair.

These are her first day of school...on the doorstep pictures.
I love her.

MUOT

In July I applied to be on the board for the Miss Utah's Outstanding Teen Program.
I never in a million years thought this crazy girl would be considered.
But then I got news that I was selected to be on the board and I would be in charge of the Special Events and Workshops.  SWEEET! Official pageant party planner and fun do-er!
YES!!!!

WELL we just had our pageant! And it was the best ever!
We had 23 amazing girls who bring such joy and life to our program.
We are so thrilled with how they did and excited for this new year with our program.

Because of the pageant I haven't posted for the last 3 days.
So don't think I became lame again and just decided not to pst anymore because that would be lame.
And I am far from lame. BWAHHHHHHAAA!

XOXO

Look for the positive.

I have always been a positive person and I have realized as of lately my personal life has brought me down.
Later in the summer I felt a little rocked by some personal things and so everything seemed so bad and so big.
I am daily making the effort to stop looking for the bad and look for the good.  I have noticed that when I do this my days seem lighter, my troubles seem less and I feel better about myself.
Although I am still struggling with these things and am trying not to focus on them and instead I am trying to find the positive in all things.

It feels good to be happy.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

 I love homemade chicken noodle soup.
My girls love this stuff too.

My mom used to make this when we were growing up and the noodles are heaven!
I make double the noodles because they are so good.

I don't have a specific recipe for this, I just kinda make it now so I will do my best to give you a good recipe.

Chicken!
Cook it, and cut it up.  However much chicken you like in your soup.  A couple cups will do.

Next...
Onions, Celery, Carrots
A cup or two of each will do.

 Put your chicken and veggies in a pot, fill with chicken stock and water.  I like using chicken stock instead of just water for added flavor.

Bring it to a boil...
In the meantime.

Make your noodles.

Needed:
Flour
Eggs
Salt
Milk
and I like to add a little bit of garlic season...ranch packets are good and so is lemon pepper.

A couple cups of flour, 1-2 eggs, Milk, a dash of salt and a bit of seasoning.

Mix it all together to make a dough.
Sometimes you will need to add more flour or milk.
You can't mess it up.

 Flour a surface and allow a rag-a-muffin child to help you roll out the dough
1/8 inch thick is good.

Use a pizza cutter to cut into noodle strips.

Add raw noodles into hot, mildly boiling soup and allow to cook for about 10 minutes or so.
The noodles do not take long to cook.

Serve in a pretty bowl and watch the steam rise.

It's so yummy!

I will be making this again tonight!
It's fall ya'll!

Home from Vacay

I just got home about 2 hours ago from a 8 day vacation.  It was lovely!
We had a glorious time!
HOWEVER!
I gained nearly 6 pounds on our cruise!
6 pounds.
I would like to personally thank the Chocolate Melting Cake that I could not pass up every night.
Actually one night after dinner I said this...and I quote "I WILL NOT EAT THE CHOCOLATE MELTING CAKE TOMORROW NIGHT" That was the biggest lie I have ever told.  I couldn't hold back, I ate the cake.  I would be hanging my head shamefully but that cake was so good.
So I am back home and back on the wagon again.  Hopefully those pounds will come off as fast as I put them on.


When we got home we were greeted by our beautiful girls who missed us so much.  All Ava wanted to do was hug me, and let's face it...I loved every moment of the hugging.
It is bliss holding my babies.
They are now currently in the bath and chose dad over me for this task so I decided to take some time to blog.

There is nothing like home.
I walked it and it smelt wonderful, just like home.
It's great to be home.

I vow to be cooler.

So Dave and I just went on a 7 day cruise with my sister in law Janet and her hubby Sean.  It was great fun!  Actually we were gone for 8 days because we spent one night in California prior.  AND if I am being honest we still are not home.  I am currently blogging from the Long Beach Airport as we await our flight home.  Excited to see my girls anyway..but that's besides the point...Back to the reason for posting.  While gone I realized something...I am pretty cool...I know braggy right? but it's true, I live a pretty great life and I do lots of fun stuff daily.  I laugh at myself all the time.....and I realize that I don't share much of that here.  So I am going to attempt (key word attempt) to let you all in on me being much cooler here on this little piece of the web known as my blog.

Do I know what I am going to post?  YES! My life.  The comings and goings of Kandis.  This may or may not included daily posts (if I'm feeling up to it) sometimes I might post more then once because I feel like it.
I might post about the crafts I make around my house.  The dinners I cook, the close I bought, the baths I take...the sadness I may feel that day or the joy I feel too.
I feel strongly that this is something  I need to do for me and I think there's a few of you out there who need it too.  I think I have a good story to tell.

So I am actually excited this will be great.  I can feel it.

Working through it with photography

We all know that I suffer from major self esteem issues and I am working through them.  One way I have been working through them is through my photography.  I know it sounds silly but it's true.
I have always known that I didn't go through my eating disorder for myself, but I went through it so I could help other women.
I know that those trials and THESE trials now have been set before me so I could learn.  I know that I am supposed to help other women see how beautiful they are.
Women today suffer from feeling not good enough.  I know, I've been there.  HECK I am still there.  But as I really sit down and think about the goodness of the women that have been placed in my life I can truly see how beautiful they are.  There's so many things that makes my girlfriends, my mother, my sisters beautiful and it's not just on the outside.  They are truly beautiful.
When I am stop and look for these things it honestly helps me to look for things in myself that I can honor and say "that's awesome, I am beautiful"

For example: I love my eyes.  I think they are a very pretty green. I have great eye-lashes.
I love my laugh.  It's hardy and robust.  I love my calf muscles, the years of dance have allowed me to keep my great legs...short as they may be, they are great.
We all can find things in us that makes us beautiful.

And so with this I am launching photo sessions called Real Women, Real Models.  This is to celebrate women and to honor those things that we love.  To find the beauty in us and to display it proudly.
It's time we take TIME for us!
This is our time to show the world that the imperfect is perfect.  It's our time to shine.

My sessions include hair and makeup by some amazing artists to help you feel your most beautiful and to bring out your most beautiful and natural features.
And beyond that we get to go hang out.  Just a day with the girls.
SO MUCH FUN!

I am excited and looking forward to all the women who will decide it's time for them!
I'm excited to meet them and to celebrate womanhood.

11 years ago.

Today marks 11 years that the terrorist attacks happened.
I can very clearly remember where I was.

Dave and I had only been married a few months and we were living in a dark bottom floor apartment in Magna.
My sweetie had went to work that morning and I didn't have a job yet.  I was sleeping in our bed when he called me telling me to turn on the t.v because a plane had just hit one of the towers of the World Trade Center in New York.  I was ornery at him because I didn't care (really because I didn't understand) but I turned on the t.v.  I remember reaching over to our forest green hand-me-down dresser where our t.v sat and flicked it on.  At the moment the picture came to view the second tower was struck.  I thought I was watching a replay but then I realized I wasn't.
I didn't know what to make of it.  I didn't understand it.  I sat up in my bed and continued to watch as I began to realize that this wasn't okay.  Then I heard the news of the pentagon, and the plane that went down in the field and really began to be scared.  It felt as if nothing was safe anymore.
It was only in May that I was on a plane going to and coming home from Europe and now I didn't want to ever get on a plane again.
But it wasn't just getting on a plane, it was going anywhere.  Nobody seemed safe.

That night I remember clinging to my husband and crying as we talked about what happened.  I was terrified to bring my children into a world where this was happening.

I often think about that.  I think that my children will never know the world pre-9-11.  They will never know what it is like to go to the airport gates and wait for your loved ones.  They will never know the freedom we have felt so stripped of sense then as now this is the normal.

I have yet to forget what I felt that day.
I have yet to forget what I felt in the days following.
I remember feeling like everyone was a little prouder to be an American and we all were so grateful for our country and our families.
Now it feels like we are divided down the middle.

Although I didn't know anyone personally who was in the towers or in any of the planes, I was changed.
Today as I reflect back on that day I realize just how lucky I was as many lost loved ones and many lives were devastated.

I will always remember.

My Sweetest Elle.

Elle is by far the sweetest kid I know.  I'm not saying this because she is mine, but because honestly she really is. 

She always wants to do her best and she gets extremely heartbroken when she does something wrong, breaks a rule, or disappoints someone. 

She has the sweetest comments and she has such compassion for so many.

Elle wants more then anything to love everyone and to be liked. 

As pure and sweet as Elle is she has so much wisdom. 

She is very spiritual and has some very deep thoughts when it comes to faith. 

She has a lot of faith.  She loves Jesus and her Heavenly Father. 

Elle often will say to me "Mom, you're so pretty.  I think you don't ever need to put on makeup, you're so pretty without it."  

{make your heart melt.}

The other day at school a new friend cut off a little lock of her hair.  Elle was heartbroken.  She loves her long hair. 

As we were talking to her about it at dinner she said "I am still going to be her friend, because sometimes people just make bad choices."

I am so proud of her.  She is amazing.  When I grow up I want to be like her. 

A few thoughts.

I have always loved a good quote.  I don't know if it's the wanna be poet in me that I know I would never be or the sappy person I am.

But I have a few quotes I have came across that I just simply have to share. (to the few people who actually read my blog)

"The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes."
-Harold B. Lee

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."
-Dr. Haim Ginott

"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children."
-Elaine Hefner

And then there is this one that I adore in every single way!
I hope I can be the type of mom who my children watch.

And you know how much I love to laugh...well I am hoping I never grow old then.

Elective Surgery

So I've decided to do it.  In November (at least I am planning on November) I will be having some elective surgery.
Although this surgery is not medically important for me to have, it is emotionally important for me to have done.
I will be getting some work done on my stomach...(yes you can put the pieces together)
I have a wedding I have to photograph the Saturday after Thanksgiving and hopefully that next week I will be getting this stomach taken care of.
SO I may be calling on a few of you good friends to sit with me while I moan about the most horrible pain and I will probably even say something like "why on earth did I do this."  BUT alas I am going to do it.  So the rumors when you hear them will be true...Kandis is going to have plastic surgery.

Oh and enjoy these few pictures of Ava.....the craziest child ever!

Forgiveness.

I have been badly wronged twice in the last two months. 

One has been by someone I love and the other by someone I don't know. 

I have to forgive. 
I have to let it go. 
I have to move on.

I have lost a lot of sleep over these two situations.
I have harbored some ill feelings.
I have allowed these wrongs to start to make me feel ugly and so I feel like I really am turning into a bitter ugly person.

Is that who I want to be? No.
I want to be known as the happy person.
Because...I am a happy person.
So I believe that forgiveness is key.

I must be able to forgive so I can be happy.
And for me to be happy I have to be forgiven and I can't be forgiven if I don't forgive. 

So for today I am letting it go.  {we shall see how tomorrow goes...and I pray the ghosts don't come back}

Where can I turn for peace?

It's no secret if you're a reader here on my blog that you've discovered that I've hit an emotionally rough spot as of lately.

I am not a glass half empty type of person I do like to look for the positive in things, but lately it's harder to see the good in my life.

But I do know one thing and I do know one place I can turn for peace and that is to my Savior.  I know he understands my hurt and I know he is the only one that can take it from me as I try to cope with the feelings of not being enough.

I am grateful I have a relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ.

That is all I wanted to say today.
God is good.