Thursday, January 31, 2008

A very personal post...that's not so private.

(written by Kandis)

I have never blogged about anything personal, so this is a first. It's no secret that for the past year i've been publicly dealing with what I call "Ed". It was over one year ago that Kamille, my best friend forced my hand to get help. I wrote this about a year ago....and I am still feeling the same way.

"For the last while I have someone else a part of my life. Someone who really not many people knew about. His name is Ed. I hate him, but I can't seem to let him go. I dated Ed while in high school and thought I kicked him to the curb, but I guess there was unsettled feelings, and well Ed made his way back to my life.

Ed now lives with us, he sleeps in my bed with me and Dave and he is at every family function, and ever life event. Ed eats dinner with us, and most times Ed follows me to the bathroom.

Ed tells me things that I'm sure aren't true, but some how I belive him. He tells me things like "You're fat today" or "You look great today" he also tells me things like "You can't wear that shirt, you should wear this one, it makes you look thinner" Ed tells me what I can eat and what I can't. Ed tells me where I will go and where I won't.

Today Ed went with Elle and I to the mall. I got Elle some lunch there, but Ed wasn't hungry so neither could I be. Then when we left the mall Ed told me how proud he was of me, because I listen to him, and I didn't eat lunch.

Today I was going to buy a shirt at the mall, but I didn't. I like the shirt, but the size was a large and Ed thought by buying it I was saying I am a large size, so I couldn't buy the shirt...mainly cause he didn't like the tag size.

While at the mall Ed would wisper things in my ear like "Do you see her, she's fat; you don't want to look like her". he also points out all the pretty girls and how attractive they are and says things like "you are nothing until you look like them"

Ed goes with me to the gym every night. He makes me run 3 miles in 30 minutes. Any shorter then I'm a loser.

Ed eats every meal with me and says things like "I can't believe your eating're so fat."

Sometimes Ed says nice things like "You look great today, a lot better then last week." Ed also says things like "You see when you are thin people notice, and they approve. You want their approval don't you?" He also says " Your face is so much prettier now that you are thiner"

So you see not all thing said by Ed are bad, just most of them.

Ed controls my entire life. I hate Ed. I wish he were gone! I try to kick him out, but he only stays gone for a day or so..and then he sweet talks his way back into my life by saying things like. "Life is so much easier with me around." and "come back to me, I'll so you how great you can be" then there's "you see, you need me. With me in your life, people notice you."

I really do hate Ed. I want him gone. I don't know how to get rid of him, it seems the longer he's in my life the harder it is to let go of him. I'm afraid without him then I won't be what I want."

That was a year ago...and I'm still dealing with it. Many close people have told me "I'm over your Ed." THat hurts, because I can't get over it. I am still dealing with this everyday, and I need you all to not be over it...untill I'm over it. Thank you so much those of you who have shown your support and love. This is not something that will be better tomorrow, but I'm working on it. If you would like to know how you can help's this easy. Don't give up on me, when you give up...i've given up.
That's it...maybe in another year I will have more progress to tell about.

Friday, January 18, 2008

My new addiction!

I am so addicted to Digital Scrapbooking. It is so fun! I have tons of scrapbooking supplies, but can never find time to scrapbook. And besides I am so lazy I don't ever get the pictures off the computer. And then when I want to get pictures developed it costs a fortune because I have so many to develop. So when I was introduced to digital scrapbooking I feel in love. Some of you might already have found the joy in this...but I'm so excited I had to share it with you all.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The most amazing Pie EVER!

So last week I went to a friends house, and she made the most amazing pie. So I had to make it for myself. I'm telling is amazing...and you need to try it for yourself.
And I'm even going to be so nice to give you the recipe, and you don't even have to ask for it.

3/4 cup crushed wafer cookies (about 24 wafers - Nilla Wafers are suggested)
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted
1 ready-to-use refrigerated pie crust (1/2 of 15 oz pkg)
4 oz (1/2 of 8 oz pkg) cream cheese, softened
2 large baking apples, peeled, sliced
1 large pear, peeled, sliced
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 1/4 cups thawed whipped topping
Preheat oven to 375°F. Mix wafer crumbs, brown sugar and butter until well blended; set aside.
Place pie crust in 9-inch pie plate. Spread cream cheese carefully onto bottom of crust; sprinkle with half of the crumb mixture. Set aside. Combine fruit in large bowl. Add granulated sugar, flour and cinnamon; toss to coat. Spoon over crumb layer in pie crust; sprinkle with remaining crumb mixture.
Bake 35 minutes or until fruit is tender and crust is lightly browned, covering loosely with foil after 25 minutes if necessary to prevent crust from overbrowning. Cool on wire rack. Serve with the whipped topping. Store any leftovers in refrigerator.

I hope you love it as much as I do...if you don't you're crazy!