Wednesday, June 30, 2010

She's turning six!

Elle will be six next week so I went out and took some pictures of her to put on her invites.
  (She was I got mostly "cheeky" shots)
I just love this little girl..she doesn't want to grow up as much as I don't want her to grow up.
She has some serious anxiety about growing up...and I don't know what to do about it.
I don't EVER say anything negative about growing older...but she is so afraid of it.
One night after I read her bedtime story to her she started crying and told me
"Mom, I don't ever want to grow up....if I grow up I can't live with you and daddy anymore."
It seriously broke my heart.

Elle has the sweetest soul of any child I've ever met.  She is so kind to others and loving.  She loves her Savior and loves the Scriptures.  Every night before she says her prayers she sings "Book of Mormon Stories".  She says the sweetest prayers I've ever heard. 

 One day I got upset with her and sent her to her room.   A few minutes later I went to check on her and to talk with her as to why I had gotten upset.  When I got to her room and peeked in she was kneeling saying a prayer.  In the prayer she was making her own promises to her Father in Heaven promising that she was going to try her hardest not to disappoint her momma anymore.  Then she said..."and let my momma know that I love her and I forgive her." AHHHH sweet. 

 THEN one a few years ago Elle made her room a MESS...not just any mess like a
  BIG FAT CAN'T WALK IN THE DOOR MESS!  So I sent her to her room to clean...every 10 minutes for an hour I would check on her to see if she was cleaning...and she was just sitting there with this look on her face like 'how am I going to do this on my own'.  But I kept insisting she do it.  She would cry and tell me she couldn't do it alone.  I would remind her she made the mess on her own so she could clean it on her own.  A few minutes later I went to check on the progress and she was praying.  This is what she said
  "Heavenly Father...I made a big mess, and I don't know how to clean it up on my own.  Will you help me?"  
That simple prayer humbled me and reminded me that sometimes we make huge messes of our lives or situations and we can't clean them up on our own, but we have people who love us who will help us clean them up.  So needless to say we had a moment together and cleaned up her room.  The best reward was the hug and kiss that followed.

Elle has taught me so many lessons, like how to be a true friend.
One day at school it was Elle's day to be the 'Helper' and as the helper they get to choose someone in the class to help them help. (he he)  Well the night before the "BIG DAY"  I asked Elle who she was going to choose and this is what she said. "Well mom, I really want to choose Sarah; but i'm going to choose Ashlyn"  When I told her that if she really wanted to choose Sarah she could she said this "But mom, nobody ever chooses Ashlyn."  How special and sweet she is that she noticed that, and felt that she needed to be a friend to this girl and choose her so she didn't feel left out.  I'm so impressed.

Elle is a drama queen, but a pure joy.
I love being her mom!
I love that she loves that I'm her mom too.


Monday, June 28, 2010

Kinda Rude!

I just opened up my email to find a lovely message from a photographer that said this:

"Yet another girl with a camera that thinks they can moonlight as a photographer without the proper education and real world experience. I hope you feel great about ruining peoples once in a life time events with badly exposed, badly lit, awfully composed images that were taken with some cheap camera. You are not a photographer, you are a camera owner."

I got this after I posted an ad on KSL looking for Brides to build my portfolio.
She sent it right after I posted...I know she didn't have time to see my work.  But it kinda hurts...okay...really hurts.
Oh. P.S. this is from Nancy at STUDIO 1 obviously don't go to them....they're rude!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dear Jake....You're Lame! AGAIN!

Do you remember when I bashed Jake for choosing Vienna?!  
They have split up!
Why do you ask?
This is theory by Kandis....because Jake is a Lame-o-tard and chose the wrong girl!
We all knew he was choosing the wrong girl.  Tenley was SOOO much better!
Vienna was yucky...and Tenley was so cute!
I bet Jake is KICKING himself!
(what is that line from Lier Lier when Jim Carey is beating him self up in the bathroom? "I'm kicking my own _____(insert three letter word for bum)" ) 
I bet that is what he is doing right now!


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Fathers Day Photoshoots!

I did THREE Photoshoots this past week for fathers day gifts!
And remember I'm booking for July so take advantage of my summer special!

A little peek at what will you find when you come over to my photography blog!


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Dear'll be missed!

Do you remember my favorite sunglasses?  The Juicy Couture ones?  The ones I thought someone kidnapped....but only to be found in my glove box?  They suffered a tragic death yesterday.  Yes DIED!  Snapped into pieces.  I morn the loss of my beloved eye protectors.
Good Bye Juicy!
Hello Dior!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

And we cried.

I saw my therapist today.
She has always been so strong for me...even when I've cried to her.
Today she cried for me too.
I see my pain effects others and others really do care.
Her tears meant a lot.


The right to play.

As  I was going though some of my ed recovery stuff I came across this "certificate".  I  hadn't seen it in a long time.  I had forgotten about it.  But as I am struggling these past few days with self esteem, with wanting to engage in ed behaviors with, feeling not good enough for my husband, and not worthy for good friends.  I have sat around for two days crying...wanting to feel good enough, to be thin enough, to be more beautiful, more friendly, more talented, more everything.........I found a little strength in being reminded of this:

Certificate of the Right to Play

By this certificate, know ye that You are
A Lifetime member in good standing in
The Society of Childlike persons
and is hereby and forever entitled to

Walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rainbows, smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, watch the moon and stars come out, say, hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, sing in the shower, have a merry heart, read childrens books, act silly, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, dance, fly kites, laugh and cry for the health of it, wander around, feel scared or sad or mad or happy, give up worry and guilt and shame, stay innocent, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, draw and paint, see things differently, fall down and get back up again, talk with animals, look at the sky, stay up late, climb trees, take naps, do nothing, daydream, play with toys, play under the covers, have pillow fights, learn new stuff, get excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, listen to music, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories, save the world, make friends with the other kids on the block and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, relaxation, communication, health, love, joy, creativity, pleasure, abundance, grace, self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty and peace to You and to other human beings on this planet.

Furthermore, You are hereby officially authorized to frequent amusement parks, beaches, meadows, mountaintops, swimming pools, forests, playgrounds, picnic areas, summer camps, birthday parties, circuses, cookie shops, ice-cream parlors, theaters, aquariums, zoos, museums, planetariums, toy stores, festivals and other places where children of all ages come to play, and are encouraged to always remember the motto of
The Society of Childlike Persons:

It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood.

I had a wonderful childhood, and lately I guess I need to be reminded that I can look at life like a child.  Things will be okay if I just remember that It's okay to play.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Hello Tooth Fairy

Even though today I'm bummed out...and having a pity party...and questioning my worth...I remembered I forgot to post that Elle lost her first tooth last week.
Isn't she cute?


I didn't sleep last night!
I feel betrayed somehow.
Part of me wants to run away.
For the moment to life doesn't seem seriously amazing.
I'm not good enough for love.
I'm not thin boobs aren't big enough (tmi I know)
I don't do enough anymore for my life to be amazing.
I'm crushed!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sometimes I just wanna......

But oh no I can't!
Too many people would hear!

Today has been an emotional day!  I really can't explain why and I really don't want too...but I can say that it has made me sad.

So I've been doing really good with my ed.  I haven't purged (yes you know what I mean) for four months!!!! This is a very good thing.  I have been filling my life with things I love and things that make me happy.  HOWEVER today has kinda taken a big hit to my self esteem and I have wanted to purge so bad!!!! I just keep thinking it will make me feel better about myself, but then I know afterwards I will feel even worse.  I can't ever win.

So I am trying my hardest to stay away from the bathroom....i've even peed with the door open (yes tmi!)

I don't want to throw these 4 months away...but I just feel so bad about myself now.

DEBBIE DOWNER....OH JEEZE....Sorry friends! 

I'm way sad so I'll leave you with a little

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

9 years...HOLY MOLY!

Today is mine and Dave's 9th Wedding Anniversary! Holy Moly time sure does fly!
I sure LOVE him! 
He is pretty swell.
Sometimes he spends too much money on things at NPS.
But I guess I spend too much money at Sephora.
He says battery so cute, and he is SUPER TICKLISH!
Dave is such a hard worker and is valued at his job.
He is a great father and the girls are convinced that he hangs the moon.
I love the way he kisses me every morning as he is rushing off to work.
I even love how he talks in his sleep.  "Money Money Money"   "Don't touch it, you'll break it."
He is the one to make the Koolaide, cause I don't add enough sugar he says....and I love that "Koolaide" is now his job.
Dave is 90% oblivious to most conversations...and that is okay.
Dave loves to work on cars, and I love to complain about it.
Dave supports me in all that I do.
He even supports my shopping habit...and that's a big deal.
He loves Yogurt, and I buy it for him...even though it is the devils food.
Dave is in love with his two little princesses and gets excited when he sees them after a long day.
Dave can make friends with EVERYONE!
I Love him so much!
He is my best friend!
He is a wonderful father, and the girls are lucky to have him as their daddy!
I am lucky to get him for Eternity!
We are blessed!
It's been a FANTASTIC 9 YEARS!


Simply Stunning!


Friday, June 4, 2010

Thursday, June 3, 2010

One funny KSL ad!

My Brother in Law has HAD it with his lawn he placed this ad on KSL...and I have DIED laughing!

If you don't're lame!
Piece of Crap - Craftsman 21" 5.5hp Mower
Bluffdale, UT   84065   -   Jun 2, 2010
You know you want it...

The Devil's very own Craftsman 21" 5.5 HP Self-propelled Lawnmower. Yes, that is correct, this is in fact Satan's lawn mower. Manufactured in Hell and shipped via the S.S. Titanic to a Sears store where I bought it.

This lawnmower is no ordinary lawnmower. No. I had hoped to buy an ordinary lawnmower, but instead got this pile of trash.

The sticker on the top indicates that it has a Honda engine. The funny thing is we all know that there is no way that Honda ever built that engine. It is really a Volkswagen engine assembled in Nazi Germany by Hitler himself.

The 5.5 HP engine is so powerful that you might wonder what HP stands for. Well that's horsepower. Cause it turns out that by horsepower, Craftsman really means Shetland Pony power. And by Shetland Pony power, they actually mean "Not really alive anymore Shetland Pony Power." You'd really have more luck harnessing a couple of cats to the front and having them pull it.

The sticker also indicates that it is the "Quietest and Lightest" engine available. This is surely a scientific claim verified by a couple deaf body-builders, because the only thing it is quieter and lighter than is a 1965 Lincoln Continental that is missing its exhaust system.

Conveniently, the gas tank that holds exactly enough gas to mow 95% of your yard without needing a refill, and was painted red by Mussolini or Kim Jong Ill, I'm not sure which.

The hardened steel cutting blades is as sharp as it was when it came out of the factory, and while it wont actually cut grass, it will cut things like match box cars, children's yard toys, and every other sprinkler head in my yard.

This mower mulches or bags. Neither of which it actually really does. It has a side discharge flap that is built of super strong plastic made with a couple melted Ziploc bags. And it NEVER EVER just randomly falls off when you are mowing, covering your face and body with lawn clippings. Who would ever design a mower that would do that? No not even a bitter UAW union worker that was forced to build this piece of crap when he really wanted to be at the Detroit Lions game.

The lawnmower's favorite movies are, "Thelma and Louse," "Fried Green Tomatoes," and "Beaches." It once went to see "Saw IV," but had to leave the theater because it got too scared seeing things getting cut.

The oil was last changed sometime during the Clinton administration. But, that said, the lawnmower does come with a lifetime of free oil-changes* (*To redeem your oil changes please contact BP in the Gulf of Mexico, or proceed directly to Pensacola Beach and scoop up a lifetime of free oil.)

This lawnmower has actually achieved Sainthood, when in 2002 it mowed a twenty foot strip of lawn without having the bag chute get clogged! This miracle, though it has never happened again, was witnessed by a 12 year old boy. For more details, contact his local priest. Well on second thought, don't. He didn't do anything to that kid. The worst he ever did was maybe watch a couple of episodes of Family Guy. And he is not a pervert. Instead please contact the former Cardinal Ratzinger who will vehemently deny all allegations.

This lawnmower has hardly been used. Any part that was actually used has been replaced because its superior construction and design allow for you to change out quality plastic parts over and over that should have been metal but they were to cheap to use it.

This lawn mower was actually made for a princess to mow her yard made out of cotton candy.

Because of the quality construction, you are the lucky individual that will get this "like new" lawnmower to learn such valuable things about a lawnmower than you never wanted to learn, like:

1) "Guaranteed to start with a single pull" would be true if it had a string long enough to hook to an Atlas V rocket that is going to the moon.

2) "Adjustable-height mowing deck" manages to always scalp part of your lawn any way you adjust it.

3) "Easy Attach Bagger" locks that pesky grass in the bag so that no matter how hard you shake it, that grass will be stuck in there until you finally give up trying to get it out.

The throttle cable is currently broken. I just jammed a screwdriver in there this last time to mow with it. Worked better than usual.

I considered hooking it to the back of my car with a rope and driving it down I-15 at 130mph, but instead want to offer the chance for someone else to feel my pain and am selling it to a "deserving" home. One that might have a yard covered completely in rocks or dead grass.

$100 for this little piece of history.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Am I being overly mean?

I have a long story I am going to shorten.

A few weeks ago a girl I used to go to school with got in touch with me via facebook.  When I say went to school with...I mean elementary and junior high.  We were friends in elem. school, but in junior high...not so much.  However we did become facebook friends about a year ago...but hadn't really spoken.

Anyway...she got in touch with me and told me that she needed help and didn't have anywhere to go.  She wondered if she could stay with me for a few days.
Well I had her call me, and she told me she had a falling out with her parents..who now has temporary custody of her three children...and they kicked her out.

I felt so bad for her.  How can a parent kick their child out on the streets with no car, no money...nothing?!
Well as the story unfolds she had been in some "shady" relationships and marriages, and her most resent relationship took her car back.

So she had nothing.
No Job
No Car
No house
No money.

Dave said she could stay with us for one night.
She ended up staying two.
We ended up putting her up in a hotel for a week.
My parents LENT her their car.
My family gave her money.
Enough money for at least one months rent in a small apartment, or even to rent a room.

The week went by and she still had no job, and she had spent all the money and still had no place to go.
NOW she came back to my house but told me she didn't want to be at midnight the night she came back...went to some guys house.  She stayed with him for that weekend.
Dave was eerked...and kinda mad.
He said she couldn't stay here any longer.

The only jobs she is looking for (or it seems) is modeling jobs.
McDonalds is hiring!

I feel like we gave her the tools (and it wasn't our responsiblity to have to do all this) to help her get her feet on the ground.
If it were me...I would have taken that money and rented a room from someone for a month.  I would have went to McDonalds, cares where and got a job.
In two weeks I would have had my first paid already...and maybe I could have bought my own $300.00 beater car.

WELL...She didn't do any of that.
She wants to model.
So that's what she is focused on.
But she wants our help.

So when we let her borrow my parents car we told her to be careful with it because it has a lot of miles on it, and it has a few little problems.  We asked her to not drive far or fast.

She BLEW the engine!
We had to have it towed from CLEARFIELD!
(you all know where we live.....not clearfield..not even close!)

So I pretty much told her that I won't help her anymore.
I feel bad.
I was kinda mean.
I will help nearly anyone.
Now I'm not sure I will!

IS it mean to not help her when she is homeless.
I feel like it isn't.
I mean...we haven't spoken prior since JUNIOR HIGH!
We are almost strangers right?!

Tell me we did all we could do?



Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I love this!

I opened my emails today and found this from my Momma!
I love this so much!

I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk's lawn.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with the children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.
Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Isn't it wonderful?!


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