Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Am I being overly mean?

I have a long story I am going to shorten.

A few weeks ago a girl I used to go to school with got in touch with me via facebook.  When I say went to school with...I mean elementary and junior high.  We were friends in elem. school, but in junior high...not so much.  However we did become facebook friends about a year ago...but hadn't really spoken.

Anyway...she got in touch with me and told me that she needed help and didn't have anywhere to go.  She wondered if she could stay with me for a few days.
Well I had her call me, and she told me she had a falling out with her parents..who now has temporary custody of her three children...and they kicked her out.

I felt so bad for her.  How can a parent kick their child out on the streets with no car, no money...nothing?!
Well as the story unfolds she had been in some "shady" relationships and marriages, and her most resent relationship took her car back.

So she had nothing.
No Job
No Car
No house
No money.

Dave said she could stay with us for one night.
She ended up staying two.
We ended up putting her up in a hotel for a week.
My parents LENT her their car.
My family gave her money.
Enough money for at least one months rent in a small apartment, or even to rent a room.

The week went by and she still had no job, and she had spent all the money and still had no place to go.
NOW she came back to my house but told me she didn't want to be at midnight the night she came back...went to some guys house.  She stayed with him for that weekend.
Dave was eerked...and kinda mad.
He said she couldn't stay here any longer.

The only jobs she is looking for (or it seems) is modeling jobs.
McDonalds is hiring!

I feel like we gave her the tools (and it wasn't our responsiblity to have to do all this) to help her get her feet on the ground.
If it were me...I would have taken that money and rented a room from someone for a month.  I would have went to McDonalds, cares where and got a job.
In two weeks I would have had my first paid already...and maybe I could have bought my own $300.00 beater car.

WELL...She didn't do any of that.
She wants to model.
So that's what she is focused on.
But she wants our help.

So when we let her borrow my parents car we told her to be careful with it because it has a lot of miles on it, and it has a few little problems.  We asked her to not drive far or fast.

She BLEW the engine!
We had to have it towed from CLEARFIELD!
(you all know where we live.....not clearfield..not even close!)

So I pretty much told her that I won't help her anymore.
I feel bad.
I was kinda mean.
I will help nearly anyone.
Now I'm not sure I will!

IS it mean to not help her when she is homeless.
I feel like it isn't.
I mean...we haven't spoken prior since JUNIOR HIGH!
We are almost strangers right?!

Tell me we did all we could do?




Dustin and Erika said...

Oh my Golly, I don't even know what to think. You tried, right? She's just obviously irresponsible and immature to take care of herself. You and your family has done enough to help, she's on her own.

Leah said...

Kandis.....You are NOT mean. Trust me I would tell you. :)

After reading your story (DRAMA) I would never ever ever think you were mean or bad. You all went above and beyond for this girl. It breaks my heart she took advantage of you and your family.

I guess there might have been a good reason why her parents kicked her out in the first place. Like you I can't imagine anyone ever doing that to their kid, so they must have had a pretty good reason. And after what she put you all through, I can only imagine what they might have been put through.

Kandis, My dad always says "if you are going to error, error doing something right" She will be held accountable for her action one day. :) Just don't stop serving and helping others in need. You and your family will be blessed for your kindness.


jaimieneb said...

Ditto to what Erika and Leah said. You did what you could. You will be blessed for your kindness and the help you gave her. Because your heart was in the right place. But she is on her own now. And shame on her for taking advantage of the kindness of you and your family and taking your money and ruining your parents car! That's just awful.

Sarah said...

That's a tough situation. You did what you felt was right. You did nothing wrong. You can help someone, but they have to help themselves too. You have to draw the line enabling them to continue making bad decisions. It's a tough call to know the "other side of the story" I'm sure there is a reason she ended up needing help in the first place. I'm sorry you ended up in the middle of it. Chin up! You did a good thing. Let her grow and learn a lesson on her own now.

Ashley Barnum said...

Some people just can't be helped. If she's not ready to take responsibility for her own life, nothing you can do will change that. With that said, I think you and your family went above and beyond to help her. You need to cut her off or she'll just keep trying to abuse your kindness and generosity.

Amanda said...

I think you're awesome for helping her out in a sticky situation. I don't think a lot of people would have done the same. Unfortunately she decided instead of help she wanted a handout. If she isn't willing to help herself you can't help her either. You did great.

Ryan and Laura said...

That's probably why her parents 'kicked her out'. Good grief, you can only have people take care of you for so long and then it's your own responsibility. Geesh. (Oh by the way, can you pay my mortgage this month!! haha) :)