Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Mind your own beeswax lady!

I had been working on a Young Women's activity for tonight so yesterday (Tuesday) I went to Hobby Lobby (I love that much Hobby in that Lobby) to get a few things that I needed for the super fab...super fun...pamper party for yw's.

While strolling down around the isles of many plastic flowers...Elle starts having a melt down. "I WANT A TOY." Why is it that every store we go to the Little Miss thinks she has to have a toy? I calmly tell her no. She then proceeds to give me two choices.

"Mom, get me a toy or I will stay here."

"Okay stay there then." I so calmly said

"NO! that is not the right choice! What's your choice? A toy or I am not going?"

"Elle" At this point I am trying not to smile and trying to be stern "then you can stay here, because we are not getting a toy today."

"That is not the right choice!"

At this very moment sloppy spinster comes around the corner and decides to take it upon herself to tell my child and myself what to do.

NO KIDDING this is what she said.

"Young Lady, you are not the one making the choices your mother is..." then hagatha...says "and you shouldn't let her speak to you that way."

WHAT? since when did I ask for a smelly, spinsty, haggy, Lady's opinion. First off....Elle was plain cute giving me options, and second I was handling the situation just fine.

So here I am standing there in utter shock...I didn't even know what to say. I really wanted to say one of two things "Look haggy...I know your butt is rather enormous..but you can keep it to yourself." or "your opinion smells like you." But I couldn't bring myself to say that instead I just said "oh well thanks, but she's learning about choices, and is hoping I make the choice she wants...she's silly."

Now Elle is getting frustrated at me, and mad that spinsty hagatha butted her patootie in our conversation and says "mom have you made your choice?"

Spinsty then guffaws, and turns and walks away.

Good riddance!

Really I would NEVER tell any mother how to mother or own child if I didn't know her. Yes Elle was being a little bugger. But I was handling it. It wasn't like I was beating my child...shessh!

Have you ever had anyone criticize your parenting in public?

Enjoy the picture of Little Miss Options!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Would YOU like to be part of our Family Vacation? ( a roundabout way)

The Mister and myself has decided that we would like to take a family vacation! HOORAY for us....Sad for you *frowny*

We have decided on the most wonderful place in the universe.....DISNEY WORLD. (don't be jealous can be a part of our vacation!)

Because we want to share in the joy and the love we are inviting one of you to come along with a not so present with us really you wouldn't be going...but you would be making our vacay better! How can you be a part of our fantastic family memories you ask? This is how.....CAN I BORROW YOUR DOUBLE STROLLER?

I don't have a double baby buggy and I really don't want to have to buy one. And since I am so tight with all of you blogging buddies I wouldn't mind me asking. And just think....every time I buckle my super cute kiddos in YOUR wonderful double stroller I will think of you. Your fantastic kiddie hauler will be in many of our family photos.

We will be taking our super fun SECRET vacation (IF any of you tell Elle you are on my poop list...she doesn't know and we are not telling her till we arrive in FLORIDA) within the next few months. I would share with you the date of our vacation but I don't want any crazies coming over to my house and stealing all my super fabulous shoes and bags....and makeup....and clothes...and makeup. However when you say yes to my invitation I will indeed tell you when we will be leaving.
Now come-on friends...I know you want to be part of this adventure with us...only if it is just your stroller!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I just want to scream LIAR!

Pet Peeve #4
(surprise it does NOT take place in a grocery store)

Just the other day I had the most wonderful visit with one of my super cute friends. (yes I only have super cute if your not super cute...we probably aren't friends...BAHAAHHAA)
During the course of our visit we covered many topics from child birth, to eating disorders, from traveling, to FRIENDS WHO DON'T LIVE UP TO WHAT THEY SAY! You gotcha....Pet Peeve number 4!
"Hey Kandis, your pictures are so cute! I love your hair, and your kids are darling! (why thank kids are darling.) We really need to get together and hang out, maybe we could go to lunch or something....I would love to meet your kids...they are so adorable in the pictures (of course they are adorable in their pictures...because they are so adorable in person..Duh!) I'll call you and we will meet up."
Amigos....Friends....Frienemies...Folks....come on now....if you are going to say something like this, you better dang well mean it. Because people like me really get excited to talk to big people, and visit with tall humans, and carry on conversations that don't involve barbies or spongebob. Don't fill me full of honky and tell me you think we should get together if you really truly don't have time to do so! If you are just trying to make conversation, or even if you would like to hang out with someone as cool as myself but you're not sure how much time you have to do so; say something like this. "We should really catch up sometime." How simple is that. Think of all the doors and windows and garages you've left open with that statement. It could mean anything like catching up via email, or phone call, or text message, or the head nod at the store.
So if you get the message from me that we should get together and do lunch it means like what you doing tomorrow, or next week....not "let's get together after the second coming...cause I'll have so much time for you then!"

We have some WIN-AHS!

So I finally got around to drawing names for my first giveaway!
So who are the lucky stalkers?
Our first Winner is
(drum roll please.....................)
KRYSTAL holla! woop woop!
She wins the White, Pink and Gold scarf from the Eternal Collection of Kandis B.
(yes this is the one she wanted...but I swear it was completely random!)
Next we have.....
Hogans Hotties..aka Tabitha! HOORAY!
She wins a T-Shirt and Jeans scarf from Kandis B.'s Global Warming Line!
...Now at first I said one person would receive a scarf made just for them...However I was feeling rather nice, and have decided to spread the love and make an additional scarf for another blogging beauty!
OUR two Lucky Ladies are..................................................................................
So to all our lucky ladies I need addresses (email me at to mail you these fine neck warmers. (I know it is really past scarf season...but you can keep it for later.)
And to our Luckiest winners Sarah and Heidi....I need to know what colors and style you would like.
Now if you didn't win...don't be a a lover. Keep checking back...I have a really cute giveaway I will be posting soon.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

What privacy is really for!

A couple of weeks back I was in need of some much needed, wanted, deserved alone time! I told the mister that I was going to take a nice LONG bubble bath and that if he needed anything to call his mom! If the kids got hurt call 911, and leave me a note! I also made it very, very clear to little Miss Elle if she needed me...too bad.
So here I am taking a much needed swim in my make-believe hot springs, when I am snapped out of my bliss by a loud banging on the door. "Go away!" I said to the disturber.
"mommy I need to tell you something."
"I don't want to hear it...go tell daddy."
"mommy why did you lock the door?" asked the inquisitive investigator
"because momma needs privacy...go away!"
"mom? mom? MOM?!!"
"What?" trying to remain peaceful as to not let too much of my sanctuary disappear
"mom, privacy is not for taking baths or showers, it is only for going potty!"
Now this has got me thinking...what is privacy really for? I am going to take Elles advice and note that privacy is for a few going potty. (I am going to have to have a chit-chat with the little miss about baths and showers however.)
With that being said...I have decided that privacy for me, is for taking baths and showers, going potty, pin numbers, social security numbers, credit scores, where the spare key is hidden, bank accounts, deep dark secrets, how much paid in tithing, farting, picking noses, "after kids have gone to bed alone time"....
obgyn visits, weight, and how much I actually spend on clothes, shoes, makeup, skincare, makeup, makeup, clothes, skincare, shoes, handbags, makeup, and clothes.
So I have decided for me Privacy is not for blogging. It has been fun to post randomness and have people laugh at me and with me. (yes that means I am not going private any longer!)
NOW PEOPLE....FRIENDS....FRIENEMYS.....are you a private blogger? Do you read my awesomeness of a blog? Have you invited me to read yours? If not...I say
NOT FAIR! invite me dang it! That's all folks....

Friday, March 13, 2009

What does that sign say lady?

Pet Peeve #3 (and yes it happens at the grocery store)
Hypothetical story
You are enjoying your evening with your handsome/beautiful someone (don't feel bad if your special someone isn't much eye candy...this can still apply to you too....or if you are currently "dating around" yeah we all know what that means...this applies to you as well)...okay back to the "hypothetical story". You are spending a lovely evening with your hottie and you remember "oh poop" or "crap"...or another four letter have forgotten something at the store...and you need it tomorrow morning. So you decided to make a quick trip over to the land of many shopping carts. You swiftly bustle through the isles grabbing those few necessities that you need. You don't even bother with a grocery hauler that takes to much time...instead you pile everything in your arms as you dodge small children. As you make your way up to the front of the culinary center cash wrap...aka grocery store checkout you spy what appears to be a line for Hannah Montana tickets. Check again folks not Hannah Montana, it's just Mohanna Motana the cashier...and that his her line...the ONE AND ONLY line. Oh wait another line opens's the Jonas Bro' nope not them's just a kid who needs a haircut. Everyone rushes to his line too. Lucky for have less then 20 marvelous finds. So you say to everyone in your kind thoughts "ha ha suckers...I get to go to the self check out...cause I only have 8 treasures....don't you wish you were me?" As you meander over to the sparkling self checkout you get cut off by skinny girl wearing too much makeup...big hair and last years boots....and she has 70 generic cans of soup, 35 bottles of Suave shampoo, Two giant boxes of super plus tampons (sorry boys) 5 12 packs of diet coke...with lime...and a partridge in a pear tree. "What the...*insert any four letter word here*."
"HELLO LADY 20 items or less." You wish you had the balls to actually tell her that but you think that she will get the hint. Instead she smiles at you with her white teeth and chapped lips...and starts to scan her 1st soup can out of 70. You start telekinesis...and hope she is in tune to your super powers. Nope...she's not...she is definitely not a super hero like yourself. 30 minutes later it's your turn! YAHOO! Now only if the lady in the computer would stop saying "please remove last item from bag..." "wait for an attendant".
Finally your debit is accepted and you leave the death chamber...(yes it took so long you thought you would die there) only to remember you left your bag on the checkout stand. You ask your now ornery self "to go back or not to go back". You decide to go back! What was meant to be a 10 minute visit to the land of the cake mixes...was more like an hour visit. All because some skinny, soup eating, big hair do fixin', suave shampoo use'n, diet coke drinkin', last years boots wearin', chapped lip smilin' broad didn't ever learn to read!
Did this happen to me? um... Hypothetical remember?!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Get ready to PEE your un-da-pants!

Okay friends go find some depends...or borrow your kids pullups....or take your laptop to the potty with you...because you will pee yourself!

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Goodbye Car...I DON'T MISS YOU!

A few years back Dave wanted to buy a old corvair. I said NO WAY JOSE...but he did it anyway. Needless to say he resided in the dog house with Ruby for months and months. I only let him out on good behavior which seemed to be rare. Just kidding Da-vid (once again you must say it with an accent). But still I HATED.. DISPISED...LOATHED....this car. Not just because I am so not a car girl....I'm a girl kinda girl...but that is not why I didn't like the car. It wasn't even because it was a corvair. IT WAS BECAUSE IT WAS THIS CAR!
You must understand that Dave went against my wishes, and my request to get this car. The morning he went to California to get it...I was so green...yes putrid green! The night before he left I got sick...deathly ill. I mean I slept on the bathroom floor....and he LEFT ME there! *can you believe the man?* When he came home... It was so NOT the FANTASTIC car he left to buy. I think I called him a few names...and threw him a bone to chew on while he slept in the doggy dwelling. I shouldn't have even givin him that bone! *bahhahhhaa*
Then he would spend nearly every non at work waking minute (so it seemed) on the black money pit...fixing...fixing...tweeking...fixing...AHHHHH! I swear I wanted to poke my eyes out with a hot poker so I didn't have to look at the thing. Needless to say many times my car got kicked out of it's nice warm home so his black painted rust bucket could take its cozy spot!
Although I really really...REALLY didn't like the car...Dave did a FANTASTICALLY WONDERFUL job of restoring it! All his hard work did make it look like one helluva car. He put a lot of love, and care, and time...and money..and time...and time...and money...and more money....and time..oh and a little more money into this car. Well this winter as it was pretty near ball freezing (yes I did just say that) his bronco was having A LOT of he decided that it was time to sell the "precious car". Oh happy me....sad Dave. He found a buyer in Texas, and away went the car. With tears and tears...tears of HAPPINESS and JOY....and a little bit of sorrow because I know how much Dave would miss it. With that moolah that Dave got he bought himself a big black "MACHO" truck. *that is a different rant for a different day*.
Anyway're worked so hard on that car....I am proud of you, and all the things that you did to that car. You are extremly talented, and the work you put into that car really shows your talent. But who am I to kidding...I'm glad my car has it's cozy garage all to itself!

*have you entered my giveaway?*

Sunday, March 8, 2009

If you want it....leave a comment!

Hooray Hooray for this giveaway!
I'm super dooper excited to give something away!
All you have to do is leave a comment, and I will pick a WINN-AH!! (it for sure will be random...none of that favoritism here.)

So what are the FABULOUS prizes?!
Well because it still is a little chilly...I wanted to warm you up.
The first lucky amigo will get this FUNKY FAB scarf...

From the Kandis B. Go'n Green "GLOBAL WARMING" Line.
IT is a super fun T-Shirt and Jeans scarf!
You'll LOVE it and so will everyone else!

And one Fantastically Fabulous Friend will receive this Pretty Scarf! It is from the Kandis B. Eternal Collection. White, baby pink and gold...with oodles of are sure to SPARKLE Like a drag queen. Okay maybe not...but you'll love this, and everyone will be SO JEALOUS of you....SO JADED!

And our final giveaway is....... A SURPRISE! Not really but kinda..but not...but maybe a little bit of a surprise...but kinda not really. The last lucky lady or lad...will get a scarf made JUST FOR THEM. I will design it for you, and name it after you. (all my scarfs are named after someone.)
So start leaving me comments. And to make this fun....if you send a friend my get an extra entry...oh oh..two names in the hat. AWESOME.
LOVE YA..stay warm!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Holy Tan Batman!

I was looking at some pictures today of a FANTASTIC cruise with Dav-id (you must say that like you're mexican...peruvian....or...mexican) and I realized how it looks like I made out with the sun. (No...not just sun kissed....)

When I am tan...I feel super smokin hot , and not just because I am frying my precious skin...but tan fat looks better then white fat. But today I was looking in the mirror and guess what I saw? SUN SPOTS...and WRINKLES...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO MORE TANNING FOR ME! From now on...if I want to look tan I will buy my tan from Nordys.

Which now brings me to Self Tanners. Hot Mommas...You shouldn't be afraid of these complexion bronze rs in a smelly liquid goo...instead you should embrace it and celebrate that you are going to look AMAZING without ageing yourself.

This is my suggestion for self tanners. I have tried just about every type of Self TANNER...and now I know which ones work...and which ones...make you look like my favorite short people....OOMPA LOOMPAS.

When using a self tanner...seriously chic as.....exfoliate before hand. If you don't then you will have darker spots...lighter spots...and orange spots. Then when the old skin flakes off you will be hunted by Cruela De-vil...for your award winning spots. Now here is a good tip...when applying lotion to your hands, elbows, knees, ankles and feet.....blend the lotion in with a non-tanner will dilute the tan just enough so you don't look like you've used a self tanner.

Now this is the best tip I can give. I have tried drug store self tanners (not the gradual tanners) and the DO leave you looking more like Mr. Wonka's helper instead of a Greek Goddess. If you want a better natural look...spend a little more moolah! Another great tip for a luscious look is this.....(Now I am warning you this is a little more spendy....) I don't use the "BODY TANNER" on my body anymore. They are too dark and tend to look Oompa-ish (just slightly). What I I buy the FACE tanner and use that on my face and body. It gives a much better glow, and doesn't do the funny stuff to your elbows, and knees. There are a few good self tanners out there. My favorite ones are Clinique and I also really like Lancome's gel face tanner.

So all you smokin hot chica's out there...stop frying your are getting older by the minute! Some people are trying to kick the bottle.....for this I say love the bottle...embrace the bottle!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I buy.....before you buy.

So I thought this would be something super fun for myself....and a good reason to spend money....and a good way to find new beautifying helpers!

Have you ever wondered about a makeup product. Or maybe your skin care regimen needs fixing...or maybe you want to try a new haircare line...but you don't want to try something new because you are a tight wad? Or maybe you are afraid of spending the moolah because you are uncertain how beautiful you will actually turn out? Well I will do it for you...
for myself...for you.

So this is what I want you to do...and you have to do it...because as Elle says...I am the boss! And so that must count for even this! let me know what you have wanted to try, or a problem you want to fix...and I will buy...and try...and give you my feedback, and my tips and suggestions.
I know all you hot chicas out there have things you've wanted to try out, but are tooooo much of a CHEAPO to actually try it. And I LOVE stuff like this will be super fun for me.
So Humor me people, and tell me what you want to try, and I will let you know how it goes before you head off to the mall to spend a small fortune to help beautify yourself. (not that you're not already beautiful....some of you anyway...HA!)
Okay friends...start talking...and I'll go SHOPPING!