Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Ode To Elle

It's my sweet Elle's 9th Birthday Today!
I can't believe how fast time has gone.

I've told my story before, but I will tell it again.

We tried for almost 4 years to get pregnant with Elle and after a lot of failed fertility treatments it finally happened...we were pregnant.  We were so excited.
We found out our baby was a girl on Daves birthday and I couldn't have been more thrilled.  I wanted a girl so bad.  We knew we would name her Elle.

At week 28 I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and ordered to bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Let's face it, it was horrible.  My blood pressure was sky high so my doctor admitted me to the hospital.  He was just going to keep me in the hospital until my due date (I was 35 weeks) but decided that he needed to induce me anyway.
So the next day they started me into labor.  Well my labor was slow but painful.  So they decided to give me my epidural early.  It was bliss.
BUT come 8:00pm it was wearing off and I could feel the contractions on my left side and the self doses weren't working.  So I called the nurse in and the anesthesiologist came in to give me more medication.

The anesthesiologist gave me a direct dose into the line as well as filled the bag with the epidural medication and left.  The nurse was checking my vitals when my ears went funny.  That is the only way I can describe it is that my ears were funny.  Now in the meantime Dave had left the room to go get a snack and so it was just me and my Mom.  I was getting dizzy so I closed my eyes and said to my mom "My ears are funny."  At that point my mom came over and held my hand.  When I went to tell my mom I was dizzy I couldn't breath.  So I whispered to her "I can't breath."  It felt like I was breathing out of a straw.  I couldn't talk or breath I said it again.  The nurse said "if you're talking you're breathing."  I'll never forget that because I wasn't doing either very well at that point.  Then knowing my mom would believe me I opened my eyes, looked her in the eyes and lipped to her "I can't breath."  For a split second I thought "don't close your eyes, if you close your eyes you will never wake up again."  But I couldn't help it.  At that point my eyes rolled back in my head and I flat-lined.  Elle's heart rate dropped off and I was gone.
As Dave walked back into the room he saw the nurse on top of me bagging me as they were running down the hall.
They called a code blue and rushed me in to the O.R. to get the baby out.
The hooked me up to machines to keep me breathing as they waited for a few moments for the doctor to arrive.  My doctor was at his office which was 15 minutes away when he got the call that his patient was unresponsive.  He has said that he will never forget how fast he drove.  He made it to the hospital in 4 minutes to attend to me.
Once the doctor got there they had Elle out in 45 seconds.  Elle wasn't breathing and they had to hook her up to a brief machine too.  But she came around quick but they had to keep her on oxygen.  She then developed pneumonia.
I don't remember what was going on around me because well I wasn't there really, but I remember what my spirit felt and my thoughts.  I remember praying to God "please don't let me die." and then the moment I said that I remember saying "how selfish of me. Okay God, if it's the only way Elle can live then she can take my place."  When I woke up in the O.R. I thought I had died.  But realized that I didn't.  I am so grateful to God for sparing my life so I can be a mother.
The doctor said it was a miracle that I came around so fast.
Apparently the reason the nurse thought I was okay was because she didn't know what to look for.  They had only heard of my situation happening but it was so rare that they had never seen it happen before.
Elle weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces but quickly dropped in 12 hours to 4 pounds 5 ounces.  They were going to life-flight her to a Primary Children's Hospital, but she had a turn around and they decided to keep her.  She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks.   I got to hold Elle 4 days after she was born.  We brought her home on oxygen and she was so tiny.  I was so scared.
Although this is a frightening story I know it was supposed to happen to me.  I was supposed to learn from it.  Because of this I know that I am so grateful to be a mother, I am so grateful for the little moments in our lives.  I treasure every stage of my girls and I am honored to be given the gift of life so I can raise my girls.

Elle is extremely sentimental.  She doesn't want to grow up.  And truth be told....I don't want her to either.  Last night as I was tucking her in and saying her prayers with her she said to me..."Mom, this is my last night being 8.  I'm afraid I'll forget all my memories of what it was like to be 8".  She cried.  She doesn't want to grow up.  I honestly think it's because she is so pure and kind that she sees the heartache in the world and doesn't want to face it.

My Elle is an angel and a true blessing to us.  I couldn't be more honored to be her mother.

Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet girl.


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing this story of your miracle child! Praise God for His goodness take care of you both!

Your life touches so many. Thank you for all that you do.

Jean Loper

Alana said...

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this story. We've got some similar stories! Yikes. Your girls are beautiful and I am so glad you and your beautiful face are here today to keep giving me reasons to flow your sweet example f service and happiness and in sure I have yet to learn many of your other amazing attributes

Tiffany Ence said...

Wow Kandis!! You are amazing, don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise!