I am living.

Well folks, it's official I didn't die.
YAY I am alive!

Okay so what did I have done? And why did I do it?

I decided to have an elective surgery.
Some will say it's vanity others will say 'good for you'.
I don't think it's a good for you or  a vanity thing.  For me this surgery was necessary and vital to my emotional and mental health.

Okay out with it right?

I had a tummy tuck.

So to lay the rumors to rest I have decided to blog about it.

This is nothing I am embarrassed or ashamed about.

I think there's a lot of negative opinions about cosmetic surgery and that is fine but I should share my experience.

Here goes.

I have gained a lot of weight and lost a lot of weight numerous times.  With each weight gain I gained a lot of weight fast.  Now let's add two babies to the mix.  Say hello to more stretching.
Hang on there is more.
Then there is the rapid weight loss from my {former} eating disorder.

So when I decided to get in to shape this time I decided that it had to be 100% healthy.
I have been working really hard.

I have lost nearly 45+ pounds all by being healthy.  BUT I have really bad skin.
I have hardly no elasticity in my skin.  So the more weight I loss the more my belly would hang and sag.  It was hard to feel confident in my transformation when  I was so discouraged.  I was working so hard but felt like I was looking worse.
So I decided to take it to someone who could answer if they could help me.

I went to a fabulous plastic surgeon. {in Utah?  Need a referral?  He is fabulous and I highly recommend him} I was afraid that he would tell me that I wasn't ready or that he couldn't help me, but instead he was really filled with confidence that he could give me a good result.

You have to understand that I will never wear a bikini, or get a belly piercing.  It to me isn't about having a beach bod.  To me it's about getting rid of something that reminded me of the abuse I did to my body (both with eating disorder behaviors weight gain while recovering from the eating disorder).
I worked so hard to lose weight  y  ring healthy and it was so discouraging to not be able to see the results because the fat was hidden by saggy skin.

So I did it.  I had a tummy tuck.
It was hecka painful.
My surgery was a little more than 6 hours I think.
I currently feel like for 6 hours straight a group of gorillas beat me with clubs..having no mercy.  HOWEVER I no longer have a hanging belly and it is going to look amazing once the swelling goes down.

So there you have it.
I had a tummy tuck.  Not for vanity reasons but because it is something that I needed to do for my my emotional and mental health.
Although I am still in a lot of pain I am happy with my choice.