Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Bad Mom?! Yes I think I am

I think I am a bad mom. NOt for obvious reasons though.  But for reasons that some might think "you're lame" about.

For example, I don't take things serious.
Like homework.  I mean I make Elle do her homework and her reading, and spelling and math...but really sometimes homework doesn't get done until just before bedtime because I have let her play all evening.

My kids are in dance class but they are only in their 2nd year.  I thought I would be the type of mom (since I was a dancer myself) to have my girls in dance the second they were walking...but you know what I'm not.  My kids aren't dance prodigies and it makes me feel like a bad mom.  If I put them in dance when it was 'the thing to do' at age out ....of the womb... maybe they would be amaze-ball dancers...but they aren't...they are just learning.

I let my kids watch TV A LOT!  And honestly I don't care!  They enjoy playing outside and they love to play barbies and dress up and jump on the trampoline (yay warm weather) but if they want to watch Good Luck Charlie, I let them.  According to a lot of people I should limit their TV watching, but I don't....and I'm not to sad about that.  I mean I don't let them rot their brains out...but I sometimes use TV as a babysitter.

If my kids don't want breakfast I don't make them eat it.

I let my kids stay up till 9:00 on a school night and they really don't have a bedtime on a weekend.

If Ava doesn't want to take a bath I don't make her...soon enough she stinks herself out.

My kids have gadgets...lots of gadgets.  And I don't make them earn their gadgets.

I bribe my kids... A LOT.

 I don't say no to a lot of things.  (unless it's going to hurt them, or someone else)

I am a bad mom and I know it.
I want my kids to be kids so that is why I might put off homework till just before bedtime...because I want them to enjoy their childhood playtime.

I want them to enjoy what childhood has to offer. If they want to watch TV, or play on their iPads or stay up late I let them.

I don't want to force them into growing up faster than they have to.

So while many think my way of raising my children makes me a bad mom, I say it lets me enjoy them in the way I know how.  Right now I have Elle's homework sitting next to me and I know she needs to do it, but as I look out the door I see her and Ava and their cousin Alexa dancing and laughing in this blissful spring weather and to me not forcing her to do her homework at a decent hour is just the kind of mom I want to be.  One day I hope my kids reflect back on their childhood with laughter and joy and not memories of a overly stuffy and controlling mom, but they will say to me "you were a good mom"  and I can in the now cherish my kids as what they are... kids.

So if all this makes me a bad mom...I'll take it.


The Barnum Family said...

You know Kandis, I think that we are all too quick to judge each other when it comes to being mothers and that's probably why you feel like a "bad" mom. We are all unique and our families are all very different. As long as you and your kids are happy and thriving, you're being a good mom.

Amanda said...

You sound like my kind of mother. I am the exact same way with my kids, always have been, and frankly I think they are pretty dang smart. They have all always been on the honor roll and they know when they need to do their homework with out me pushing (well except Matthew)

Heidi said...

I'm a bad Mom. I'm a mean Mom, a stern Mom. I'm also a loving Mom. A hard working Mom. A do anything and everything for my kids Mom. I'm a Mom.

This world is influenced by Satan himself. So the majority of its opinion is going to be his. If the world says I'm a bad Mom because I just can't find it in my heart to "punish" my kids and teach them a lesson, because I'd rather condition them with love, then I simply remember who's opinion it really is. Motherhood is no longer a priority on this earth. The old school idea of a woman soley dedicated to her children is gone. I believe the advesary wants us to believe we are "bad". So, however we choose to be Mothers, I simply brush him off and testify that being a Mother is a sacred calling. One of which is vitally important in heaven.

Besides, your kids will only remember how they FELT growing up. They're not going to remember the homework. They'll only remember how you made them FEEL when they were a kid.

Ishihara Family said...

I think this is the best kind of mom!! GOOD JOB!!

BeLoVed AiMeE said...

Yes!! I am a bad mom too. I want my kids to be kids. Yes I want to equip them to be grown ups...but right now they are kids and I am going to let them be little. Probably until they have their own kids ;)

Amanda Starry said...

hahaha. If you're a bad mom, I must be the worst auntie. I homeschool my nephew and sometimes, he just wants to play on facebook so we do a quick lesson and ... he's off. Eventually, he wants to do something for school and we do enough of it that little breaks here and there are ok. And he has a lot of gadgets...more than I even know what to do with. He doesn't earn them, he rarely gets them confiscated, and yes... he's happy. So who cares if we're bad "parents"? Our kids are happy, they're not thinking of suicide, and they're definitely not going to be the next mass destruction criminals. So, pat yourself on the back and smile because your kids, and YOU, are GREAT!