Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I was a Women First!

If this post offends you....sorry...wait no I am not sorry!

I have found that in my efforts in being a good wife and momma I've lost myself. I find defining myself in the tasks that make me good at my job of being a stay at home mom, and homemaker. And in my culture (I say mine..because all of you aren't from Utah, and not all of you are LDS) it seems that unless you completely lose yourself in those two things then you are some how less righteous. As if it is more noble to be overwhelmed, and busy all the time. And if you happen to admit that you aren't busy all the time, or overwhelmed and okay with it...then you are not as righteous.
I am sorry but I think that is a load of honky! I am fine with not making myself run ragged all the time. I am happy that I take time for myself.
Don't get me wrong I adore being a momma and wife....but how can we be good at those things if we aren't good to ourselves. It is okay to say No to things when we are asked. I say no all the time. (Ask Elle...ASK Dave for that matter..hehehe) It's okay to not have dinner on the table right when your hubby gets home...and sometimes it's even okay to tell him you aren't cooking that night because you just don't feel like it.
I was a women before I ever was a mom, and when my kids are grown and raising their children I don't want to have to re-learn how to take care of myself. Or even to not want to take care of myself because I took care of others for so long. Ladies it is okay to be selfish sometimes. There is nothing noble in never taking care of you....where you no longer feel special, loved and wanted. I don't think God would want it that way.
I am tired of hearing friends complain that they have NO time for themselves because they are a mom! For real....you're not more righteous because you go go go all the time...you're not more holy because dinner is on the table at 4:59, and you are certainly not more celestial qualified because you put everyone else's needs before your own. God holds women to the highest of esteems...and you should hold yourself to that as well. Now get off your fanny...go take a shower...brush your teeth...look in the mirror and say "I love you".


Mary said...

Ah, you are such a sassy little thing aren't you?

I will agree that we need to remember we are women first and we need to take care of ourselves. However, I would disagree that "our culture" says it's more noble and more righteous to lose ourselves as women.

For me, it's important to remember to keep a good balance. And as we learned this weekend "Discipleship is not a spectator sport" - and he that loses his life shall find it. :)

I say "Get Busy, then go to girls night! :)" Love ya!!

That Girl said...

are you picking a fight with me mary?.....I agree take care of your family...but we all to often look at those who are so much more busy then ourselves as more righteous then we are. Many women feel that the busier they are the better they are...instead of taking care of themselves!
And yes..I am sassy!

Hogans Hotties said...

Kandis I love you and I totally get you!!! I totally think it's important to take care of ourselves and then we will be all the more amazing as a mom and a wife, I've seen it in my life again and again, if I get up and brush my teeth and get ready and then take care of the kiddies life goes so much better, I think because my breath doesn't stink and make my babies cry all day!!LOL love the blog!

Danielle said...

I think that this is the reason I struggled with being a mom those first couple months (that + the colic). You look at the people around you and they 'seem' to have it all together. Dinner is always on the table, their kids are impeccably dressed, etc. But who knows what goes on inside their home?

I think that 'our culture' doesn't put this on us as much as we put this on ourselves, like you said. Everyone is trying to be the perfect mom and wife because so-and-so is, so why can't I? It's sickening to me.

I honestly don't have the opportunity to do a lot for myself - I work, Mike works and goes to school and things are busy. My time for myself is a 10 minute shower (if I'm lucky) or my drive to work each day. I don't blame anyone, but I know that one day that will change (he will be done with school one day, right?!). :) But I certainly don't think that makes me more righteous.

Jen said...

You have beautiful girls!!!! Hope your doing well :)

Ashley Barnum said...

I absolutely love this post! I have felt the same way SO many times! I'm still working on saying NO to things. I have a hard time with that one.
Thank you for the reminder that even though we aren't all "Super Martha Stewart" types, we're all okay.

LM said...

AMEN!! Even in single world, it is almost looked down upon to not be completely overbooked & overwhelmed. But of course, still get to the gym, dress stylishly & look perfect, ha!
Anyway, I heard some great comments on an interview with three great ladies on the radio after one of the conference sessions. They were talking about how it is ok to NOT be overwhelmed, to not take on too much & run yourself ragged.
I always end up with too many good things on my plate & never have time to sleep, read, etc, so it was an excellent reminder for me that it is OK to SLOW DOWN!