Home from Vacay

I just got home about 2 hours ago from a 8 day vacation.  It was lovely!
We had a glorious time!
HOWEVER!
I gained nearly 6 pounds on our cruise!
6 pounds.
I would like to personally thank the Chocolate Melting Cake that I could not pass up every night.
Actually one night after dinner I said this...and I quote "I WILL NOT EAT THE CHOCOLATE MELTING CAKE TOMORROW NIGHT" That was the biggest lie I have ever told.  I couldn't hold back, I ate the cake.  I would be hanging my head shamefully but that cake was so good.
So I am back home and back on the wagon again.  Hopefully those pounds will come off as fast as I put them on.


When we got home we were greeted by our beautiful girls who missed us so much.  All Ava wanted to do was hug me, and let's face it...I loved every moment of the hugging.
It is bliss holding my babies.
They are now currently in the bath and chose dad over me for this task so I decided to take some time to blog.

There is nothing like home.
I walked it and it smelt wonderful, just like home.
It's great to be home.

I vow to be cooler.

So Dave and I just went on a 7 day cruise with my sister in law Janet and her hubby Sean.  It was great fun!  Actually we were gone for 8 days because we spent one night in California prior.  AND if I am being honest we still are not home.  I am currently blogging from the Long Beach Airport as we await our flight home.  Excited to see my girls anyway..but that's besides the point...Back to the reason for posting.  While gone I realized something...I am pretty cool...I know braggy right? but it's true, I live a pretty great life and I do lots of fun stuff daily.  I laugh at myself all the time.....and I realize that I don't share much of that here.  So I am going to attempt (key word attempt) to let you all in on me being much cooler here on this little piece of the web known as my blog.

Do I know what I am going to post?  YES! My life.  The comings and goings of Kandis.  This may or may not included daily posts (if I'm feeling up to it) sometimes I might post more then once because I feel like it.
I might post about the crafts I make around my house.  The dinners I cook, the close I bought, the baths I take...the sadness I may feel that day or the joy I feel too.
I feel strongly that this is something  I need to do for me and I think there's a few of you out there who need it too.  I think I have a good story to tell.

So I am actually excited this will be great.  I can feel it.

Working through it with photography

We all know that I suffer from major self esteem issues and I am working through them.  One way I have been working through them is through my photography.  I know it sounds silly but it's true.
I have always known that I didn't go through my eating disorder for myself, but I went through it so I could help other women.
I know that those trials and THESE trials now have been set before me so I could learn.  I know that I am supposed to help other women see how beautiful they are.
Women today suffer from feeling not good enough.  I know, I've been there.  HECK I am still there.  But as I really sit down and think about the goodness of the women that have been placed in my life I can truly see how beautiful they are.  There's so many things that makes my girlfriends, my mother, my sisters beautiful and it's not just on the outside.  They are truly beautiful.
When I am stop and look for these things it honestly helps me to look for things in myself that I can honor and say "that's awesome, I am beautiful"

For example: I love my eyes.  I think they are a very pretty green. I have great eye-lashes.
I love my laugh.  It's hardy and robust.  I love my calf muscles, the years of dance have allowed me to keep my great legs...short as they may be, they are great.
We all can find things in us that makes us beautiful.

And so with this I am launching photo sessions called Real Women, Real Models.  This is to celebrate women and to honor those things that we love.  To find the beauty in us and to display it proudly.
It's time we take TIME for us!
This is our time to show the world that the imperfect is perfect.  It's our time to shine.

My sessions include hair and makeup by some amazing artists to help you feel your most beautiful and to bring out your most beautiful and natural features.
And beyond that we get to go hang out.  Just a day with the girls.
SO MUCH FUN!

I am excited and looking forward to all the women who will decide it's time for them!
I'm excited to meet them and to celebrate womanhood.

11 years ago.

Today marks 11 years that the terrorist attacks happened.
I can very clearly remember where I was.

Dave and I had only been married a few months and we were living in a dark bottom floor apartment in Magna.
My sweetie had went to work that morning and I didn't have a job yet.  I was sleeping in our bed when he called me telling me to turn on the t.v because a plane had just hit one of the towers of the World Trade Center in New York.  I was ornery at him because I didn't care (really because I didn't understand) but I turned on the t.v.  I remember reaching over to our forest green hand-me-down dresser where our t.v sat and flicked it on.  At the moment the picture came to view the second tower was struck.  I thought I was watching a replay but then I realized I wasn't.
I didn't know what to make of it.  I didn't understand it.  I sat up in my bed and continued to watch as I began to realize that this wasn't okay.  Then I heard the news of the pentagon, and the plane that went down in the field and really began to be scared.  It felt as if nothing was safe anymore.
It was only in May that I was on a plane going to and coming home from Europe and now I didn't want to ever get on a plane again.
But it wasn't just getting on a plane, it was going anywhere.  Nobody seemed safe.

That night I remember clinging to my husband and crying as we talked about what happened.  I was terrified to bring my children into a world where this was happening.

I often think about that.  I think that my children will never know the world pre-9-11.  They will never know what it is like to go to the airport gates and wait for your loved ones.  They will never know the freedom we have felt so stripped of sense then as now this is the normal.

I have yet to forget what I felt that day.
I have yet to forget what I felt in the days following.
I remember feeling like everyone was a little prouder to be an American and we all were so grateful for our country and our families.
Now it feels like we are divided down the middle.

Although I didn't know anyone personally who was in the towers or in any of the planes, I was changed.
Today as I reflect back on that day I realize just how lucky I was as many lost loved ones and many lives were devastated.

I will always remember.

My Sweetest Elle.

Elle is by far the sweetest kid I know.  I'm not saying this because she is mine, but because honestly she really is. 

She always wants to do her best and she gets extremely heartbroken when she does something wrong, breaks a rule, or disappoints someone. 

She has the sweetest comments and she has such compassion for so many.

Elle wants more then anything to love everyone and to be liked. 

As pure and sweet as Elle is she has so much wisdom. 

She is very spiritual and has some very deep thoughts when it comes to faith. 

She has a lot of faith.  She loves Jesus and her Heavenly Father. 

Elle often will say to me "Mom, you're so pretty.  I think you don't ever need to put on makeup, you're so pretty without it."  

{make your heart melt.}

The other day at school a new friend cut off a little lock of her hair.  Elle was heartbroken.  She loves her long hair. 

As we were talking to her about it at dinner she said "I am still going to be her friend, because sometimes people just make bad choices."

I am so proud of her.  She is amazing.  When I grow up I want to be like her. 

A few thoughts.

I have always loved a good quote.  I don't know if it's the wanna be poet in me that I know I would never be or the sappy person I am.

But I have a few quotes I have came across that I just simply have to share. (to the few people who actually read my blog)

"The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes."
-Harold B. Lee

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."
-Dr. Haim Ginott

"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children."
-Elaine Hefner

And then there is this one that I adore in every single way!
I hope I can be the type of mom who my children watch.

And you know how much I love to laugh...well I am hoping I never grow old then.

Elective Surgery

So I've decided to do it.  In November (at least I am planning on November) I will be having some elective surgery.
Although this surgery is not medically important for me to have, it is emotionally important for me to have done.
I will be getting some work done on my stomach...(yes you can put the pieces together)
I have a wedding I have to photograph the Saturday after Thanksgiving and hopefully that next week I will be getting this stomach taken care of.
SO I may be calling on a few of you good friends to sit with me while I moan about the most horrible pain and I will probably even say something like "why on earth did I do this."  BUT alas I am going to do it.  So the rumors when you hear them will be true...Kandis is going to have plastic surgery.

Oh and enjoy these few pictures of Ava.....the craziest child ever!

Forgiveness.

I have been badly wronged twice in the last two months. 

One has been by someone I love and the other by someone I don't know. 

I have to forgive. 
I have to let it go. 
I have to move on.

I have lost a lot of sleep over these two situations.
I have harbored some ill feelings.
I have allowed these wrongs to start to make me feel ugly and so I feel like I really am turning into a bitter ugly person.

Is that who I want to be? No.
I want to be known as the happy person.
Because...I am a happy person.
So I believe that forgiveness is key.

I must be able to forgive so I can be happy.
And for me to be happy I have to be forgiven and I can't be forgiven if I don't forgive. 

So for today I am letting it go.  {we shall see how tomorrow goes...and I pray the ghosts don't come back}

Where can I turn for peace?

It's no secret if you're a reader here on my blog that you've discovered that I've hit an emotionally rough spot as of lately.

I am not a glass half empty type of person I do like to look for the positive in things, but lately it's harder to see the good in my life.

But I do know one thing and I do know one place I can turn for peace and that is to my Savior.  I know he understands my hurt and I know he is the only one that can take it from me as I try to cope with the feelings of not being enough.

I am grateful I have a relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ.

That is all I wanted to say today.
God is good.